Last night we had a couple over for dinner. They, like us have three kids. We had a great evening. At the end of the night, I walked our friends to the door and the gentlemen leaned in and hugged me. If you know me, you know that I do not hug. If you don’t know me, this post will shed some light. I did the polite thing and hugged him, only to have my husband say, “Wow, she hates to hug people. I can’t believe she hugged you. She only hugs on birthdays and Christmas.” I tried to smile and joke it off. I wanted to smack my husband, but he knows that I am not a hugger. So I figured I would share a list of things that make me uncomfortable.
1. Interpretive dance: I actual sweat thinking about it. I do not need to know how you feel through your version of dance and music. Please. I just can’t.
2. Hugging: Don’t get me wrong; I hug my kids, and sometimes my husband, but I prefer not to hug as a rule of thumb. How about a high five? Fist bump? Hearty handshake?
3. Clowns: Do I really need to elaborate on this? Super. Freaking. Creepy.
4. Mimes: Seriously, this is not my idea of art. I like my art hanging on a wall, without a distressing stare of silent judgement.
5. Emotions: I am seriously stunted in the emotional category. I understand emotions exist, but I prefer to ignore them.
6. Crying: I do not like to cry, or see others cry. I never know what to say when someone is crying. I usually try to wait it out, because I am almost positive hugging will be involved.
7. Animals dressed as people: Please dress your dog as a dog. Why do people dress animals. I know where this phobia comes from. My mother dresses her dog as well as carries her in an infant carrier. I am positive I was never carried in an infant carrier. I digress, this is a whole post on it’s own.
8. Serious Conversations: I hate the words, “We have to talk.” I get a knot in my stomach and feel queasy. I prefer the language of sarcasm. I am fluent in derision, mockery, ridicule, scorn, sneering, scoffing, cynicism, irony, and much much more.
9. Mandals: I am adamant that men should only wear one type of sandal, that is flip flops. Please under no circumstance should you wear ANY other type of sandal. They should be outlawed and burned. I just did a Google search for men’s sandals and about 52 different types populated. I am getting hives. Please! Only flip flops.
10. Fanny Packs: Why on earth is this item still being produced and sold? Get a purse if you are a woman, or get a wallet if you are a man. Buy a backpack if necessary. But please, for the love of all things holy, burn your fanny pack!
This is the short list. I have so many other issues that we couldn’t possibly unearth today. Just know that I am a hot mess of crazy. It truly not you, it’s me.
right on !!!
love your posts
so true!!! love your blog
Me exactly! So glad I found your blog and totally agree with today’s post!
Thank you! Please hang around and keep reading. I love to laugh!!
I agree, I hate hugging and my husband knows it. He laughs when he sees someone trying to hug me, as I’m squirming to get away.
I know. It is tough being the one you get shamed for not wanting to hug and be all touchy with people. Keep reading
You forgot spiders and Speedos. As for the “man” dals…any, yes ANYthing that needs to change its first syllable to reflect the fact that a man is wearing or dong it is creepy.
“Meggings” are a tool of darkness.
I’m sorry, “Meggings?” Please tell me you are joking. I can’t take this! Follow up article on it’s way! Keep reading.
Just shared this with my coworkers so they understand me better from now on! I got an email from a colleague that said, “I need to talk to you” and then when I got to their classroom, she wanted to talk about some emotional stuff she had going on.
WHAT???? WRONG AUDIENCE!!!!
I know! I know. I will write a follow up to this with an additional 10 things that make me uncomfortable. Keep reading.
I am so glad to hear that I am not the only woman that does not like to hug or like people to cry. I work with approximately 380 other women and once a day someone is in my office opening up and crying and looking at me to hug them. I am told by HR that I need to be more personable and comfort them, if I wanted that job I would be a therapist. I sometimes pat them on the shoulders or arms, but please don’t embrace me and cry on my shoulder. This does not mean I have no feeling or that I don’t care about you and your situation, it just means I don’t feel comfortable with the emotional outburst and with touching others. Why is this not ok, when it is seen as ok for someone to be afraid of balloons or streamers? And don’t get me started on complete strangers talking to me about personal things or hugging me before they stop talking in the store!
Story of my life. I had at least 20 things on this list but I had to cut it down due to time. I am sure I will write a follow up piece Thanks for writing.
Are you inside my head?
I might be! Are you insane I had a list of at least 20 things but had to cut down due to time. I will revisit this one for sure. Thanks for reading.
I seriously thought I wrote this! I’m reading this finding myself in the EXACT SAME BOAT…clowns? seriously terrifying, mimes aren’t they the same as clowns? I only speak in sarcasm. I’m not sure I know what emotions are, I didn’t even cry when I had my twins. Glad I found your blog
Amy my long lost sister. Welcome. Make sure to sign up so you can get my crazy twist on life. I am happy we found each other.
I can’t even begin to tell you how on point these are! Crying also makes me uncomfortable! I love love love this. I want to post it on FB and say that this is basically warning label for me
Please post on your FB. I am so happy you enjoyed the piece. I am writing a follow up to this post with 10 more things that make me uncomfortable. Keep reading.
I hate all the same things! Except the mandals. I think they’re cute.
I can’t take mandals. I stand firm on my uncomfortable factory rating!!! Keep reading.